i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
