whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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