And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
