Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
