your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
