DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
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