I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
