hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i will never coherently bang her
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
