do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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