everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
