I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
