The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
