she looked like the bat from fern gully.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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