smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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