My nipple is on Facebook.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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