She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
