You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize
