love makes seman taste better
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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