I could make wine with my vomit
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
