I'm going to rape someone's good day.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
