It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
