Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Randomize
