You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
