I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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