apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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