Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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