yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
