So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
