im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
