Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
