I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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