Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
