Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Michael Bay diarrhea
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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