Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
