Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
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