Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
