Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
