I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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