WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
