They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
