your parents love me but you hate me
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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