I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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