my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
