I am puke
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
