I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
