I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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