Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
