oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
