WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
