I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
