the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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