I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
