Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
