gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
