Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
