morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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