She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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