peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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